:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
