Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
