giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
