remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
