since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
