You're so nebulous sometimes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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