FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
