the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
