i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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