Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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