My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
