I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She said her name was "party"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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