Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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