you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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