So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Even my vagina gasped.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
