ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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