alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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