i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
