...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
