Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
