I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
