...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
