p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
