A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
