so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
