just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
