I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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