my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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