I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
