so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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