Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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