Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
