I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
