I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
