So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
