Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
