Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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