Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize