How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
