wat bout pragnant strippers??
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
