You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
