Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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