just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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