What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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