He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
