loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize