I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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