That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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