I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
