If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
