dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
