He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize