Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
