i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
