So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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