What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
