Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
