Plan B is the new Plan A
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
