Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
