1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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