My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Actions speak louder than pants.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
