Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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