it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cockslap morals
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
