Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize