Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
