Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
