I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
