Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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