My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She bit a glass in half.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
