I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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