So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
