I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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