Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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