Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
