If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
