Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
