There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
