My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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