a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
