I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
