Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
worst night to have a conscience
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
