ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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