and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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