Your face is a jimmy john
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
