I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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