either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize