Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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