he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
