Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
