i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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