So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
