Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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