I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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