I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
