It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
