I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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