Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
