Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
