She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
