I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
