I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
